ANGER

I did muster up genuine emotion for this task in spite of the fact that I avoid this particular feeling most of the time. I am strictly conflict averse. That is, except for when I am feeling psychotic. Then I bloom into some fierce machine designed for assertiveness – on the look out for opportunities to spread my wings of fire!

These panels are using the same media as before in the same order. So, top left is charcoal. Top right – inky brush stick. Bottom left – black pastel. Bottom right – large stick of graphite.

I generated a feeling of anger by thinking first about a fairly recent disturbance in my building caused by the neighbour downstairs. Then again about having been forced from my home by their antisocial behaviour. Finally, what tipped me over the edge was the memory of driving toward a zebra pedestrian crossing with a blind spot just to the left. I man appeared suddenly and deliberately stepped out in front of my car causing me to perform an emergency stop. It was with relief that I looked into my rear view mirror to see no car about to collide with my back end. The glare I gave this man in response to his sheepish grin hopefully said it all. 

Usually I eschew anger. I’m ever fearful of exploding, therefore this exercise was difficult for me as I don’t allow myself to become angry very often. The risk of losing control of my temper is akin to one of losing my grip on my sense of reason and thereby leading to all too familiar psychosis.

Having said this, I felt more at ease experiencing this emotion than I did with the one about fear. I felt it was somehow more of a positive emotion in that there was the potential for great power if focussed correctly. By the time I reached the final panel I felt as though I had channelled  my anger almost purposefully. 

I spoke about this exercise with a friend over lunch just prior to creating the above picture. It was a useful conversation. He had intended to remain with me for a time whilst I carried out the exercise, but so incensed was I by the thought of the man on the zebra crossing that I did not wish to affect my friend with my own antisocial behaviour so we bid one another adieu for a while at  least.